Ed Sheeran's Suicidal Thoughts, Bad Habits, and His Emotional Documentary
Ed Sheeran may seem to have it all, but even he’s had to endure some very dark times.
In a new interview with Rolling Stone, Sheeran opened up about how the death of his friend Jamal Edwards led to a bout of depression.
Along with feeling like he “didn’t want to live anymore,” Sheeran admitted, “I have had that throughout my life. You’re under the waves drowning. You’re just sort of in this thing. And you can’t get out of it.”
Sheeran felt “embarrassed” and “selfish” about his dark thoughts since he is the dad of two girls.
Due to his suicidal thoughts, Ed’s wife Cherry Seaborn suggested that he go to therapy. He stressed, “No one really talks about their feelings where I come from. People think it’s weird getting a therapist in England. I think it’s very helpful to be able to speak with someone and just vent and not feel guilty about venting. Obviously, like, I’ve lived a very privileged life. So my friends would always look at me like: ‘Oh, it’s not that bad.’”
“The help isn’t a button that is pressed, where you’re automatically okay,” he pointed out. “It is something that will always be there and just has to be managed.”
In February 2022, Jamal died at the age of 31 from a heart attack after taking a lethal cocktail of cocaine and alcohol.
Following Jamal’s death, Ed decided to quit hard drugs, a habit he started in his 20s. He said, “I would never, ever, ever touch anything again, because that’s how Jamal died. And that’s just disrespectful to his memory to even, like, go near.”
Recalling his life with drugs, he shared, “I remember just being at a festival and being like, ‘Well, if all of my friends do it, it can’t be that bad. And then sort of dabbling. And then it just turns into a habit that you do once a week and then once a day and then, like, twice a day and then, like, without booze. It just became bad vibes.”
In 2021, Sheeran opted to quit drinking hard liquor before the birth of his first daughter. He explained, “Two months before Lyra was born, Cherry said, ‘If my waters break, do you really want someone else to drive me to the hospital?’ Because I was just drinking a lot. And that’s when it clicked. I was like, ‘No, actually, I really don’t.’ And I don’t ever want to be pissed holding my kid. Ever, ever. Having a couple of beers is one thing. But having a bottle of vodka is another thing.”
He emphasized, “It’s just a realization of, ‘I’m getting into my 30s. Grow up! You’ve partied, you’ve had this experience. Be happy with that and just be done.’”
In the interview, Sheeran also opened up about his struggles with binge-eating. He admitted, “I’m self-conscious anyway, but you get into an industry where you’re getting compared to every other pop star. I was in the One Direction wave, and I’m like, ‘Well, why don’t I have a six-pack?’ And I was like, ‘Oh, because you love kebabs and drink beer.’ Then you do songs with Justin Bieber and Shawn Mendes. All these people have fantastic figures. And I was always like, ‘Well, why am I so… fat?’”
While Ed still calls himself a “real binge eater,” he noted, “I’m a binge everything. But I’m now more of a binge exerciser, and a binge dad. And work, obviously.”
Ed is currently promoting his new album “Subtract” and new documentary “Ed Sheeran: The Sum of It All.”
In the trailer for “Ed Sheeran: The Sum of It All,” Sheeran is seen breaking down in tears over Jamal’s passing and his wife’s health issues.
In a clip from the trailer, Cherry said, “I've never seen him cry onstage. He hasn't had the time to process and be at peace with his thoughts.”
The trailer also features clips of Ed and Cherry together. Ed noted, “Everything in my life sort of got so much better when Cherry came into it.”
Ed recently revealed that Cherry was diagnosed with a tumor while she was pregnant with their second child Jupiter. She was unable to get surgery to remove the tumor until after the baby was born. She underwent surgery in June 2022.