Meghan Markle Cries, Reveals: 'I Just Didn't Want to Be Alive Anymore'

Crying, Meghan said the option of suicide was a "real and constant and frightening thought," one she found to be deeply troubling, so much so that she wanted to get professional help. The Firm, referring to the royal family and the institution running it — she wouldn't identify one person in particular — told her that getting mental health help would not look good to the public.

Even human resources at the Palace allegedly said, "There's nothing we can do to protect you because you're not a paid employee of the Institution."

Meghan stressed to Oprah that realizing one needs mental health help is a process, and admitting it to others "takes courage." To be told she couldn't get help was crushing, so much so that when told she needed to appear at an event with Harry — who knew of her thoughts of self-harm — he suggested she simply not go.

Instead, Meghan did go, but only because she realized she should not be left alone.

The revelations visibly shocked Oprah, who wondered what the Palace might say in response — and who also wondered aloud if Meghan feared that response.

"I'm not going to live my life in fear," Meghan replied firmly. "I don't know how they could expect that after all of this time we would still just be silent."

"I've lost my father," she said, referring to her father's well-publicized betrayals of her in the media, "I've lost a baby," she said, referring to her pregnancy loss.