Kevin Smith Reveals He Suffered ‘Complete Break from Reality’

Director Kevin Smith is opening up about a mental break he suffered last January.

In a new interview with People, Smith says he had to undergo intensive therapy after he woke up one day filled with terror and feeling like he had lost his mind.

"It was scary," he recalled, describing it as a "complete break from reality.”

Kevin confessed, "At that moment, I wouldn't have been averse to not being around any longer. I called a friend and said, 'I'm in a weird, dark place. I need to go somewhere and get help.'"

He checked into Arizona's Sierra Tucson treatment center, where he delved into childhood traumas associated with sexual abuse and shame over his weight.

Kevin shared that when he was 6 an older boy forced him into “playing doctor in an alleyway” with a neighbor girl.

When he recalled the event to his therapist, he was told, "When a third party is instructing you to do something against your core values like that, that's sexual abuse."

A few years later, when Smith was 9, his fourth-grade teacher made fun of his weight in front of the class.

Smith remembered, "I felt disgusting, like I didn't matter. That's when 'the other guy' started to appear. I decided to be entertaining and make people love me before they noticed I was fat."

This “other guy” was a larger-than-life persona that Kevin developed to protect himself.

He shot to fame at 24 with his 1994 hit “Clerks” and told People that at the time, "I was already a self-loathing mess. 'The other guy' became my favorite piece of clothing to wear. I'd just let him take over."

Treatment helped him work through his issues, but opening up in private and group session could be hard. Kevin struggled to equate his issues with what others were going through, including many veterans.

"In the beginning, it was tough to share when somebody's talking about watching their friend get killed and I'm like, 'Well, my fourth-grade teacher told me I was fat,'" he said, adding, "But I learned that there's no differentiation [between levels of trauma] to the human nervous system. Internally, trauma is trauma."

The filmmaker learned the power of self-acceptance and mindfulness exercises that help you stay in the present.

"This was eye opening to me, because I'd always spent the majority of my time depressed about the past or anxious over the future,” he said.

He went on, "I'm really interested in seeing if I can finally be comfortable sitting by myself and just be alone with my thoughts."

These days he’s not smoking pot and trying to pace himself with work as he focuses on understanding his “authentic self.” The star also encourages others to take “care of your mind.”