Camryn Clifford is revealing heartbreaking details surrounding the death of her 19-year-old husband Landon.
The couple starred in the YouTube show “Cam&Fam,” and Camryn confirmed her husband’s death on August 21, but no cause of death was given at the time.
Now, Camryn has uploaded a heartbreaking new video letting fans know that he took his own life. Watch it here.
Giving some context, she said “he has had mental health issues as long as I have known him,” explaining that he has struggled with depression, anxiety, and ADHD his whole life.
He went to a doctor and was prescribed medication for ADHD and anxiety, but she felt both were addictive, and that he got caught in a “vicious cycle” of taking the uppers and downers.
At first, Camryn didn’t realize he was abusing the meds, and at the same time she was dealing with being pregnant with their daughter Delilah and coping with her own depression.
After Delilah’s birth, Camryn said there was a period of “bliss,” but the reality of juggling their older daughter Collette and a newborn “hit us hard.”
A month after Delilah was born, Landon went to stay with his family to get off the medications, and she went to stay with her family. They talked every day, but they “knew it was what was best for the both of us.”
Eventually, they moved back home and focused on cooking, journaling, and taking the kids to the park. “It seemed like things were getting a lot better,” and Landon was off of the medications, besides anti-depressants.
Camryn then went on to relay what happened on August 13, the day she found him.
She came home from a day out with a friend, Camryn and Landon had a family dinner, and they put their daughter Collette to bed.
Afterward, she said “I could tell that something was wrong. He said he was sorry for everything he put me through. It was really hard on me when I was pregnant and he was heavy in his addiction and he just really wasn’t himself during that time and he was just apologizing to me for everything. I could just tell he was putting a lot of blame on himself. I talked to him and told him that I loved him and that I forgave him and that things are different now and we are on a new path. And I gave him a hug and a kiss and told him I loved him and that it is ok and no matter what he did I would always love him.”
She thought the talk had helped and the two went about their night. He told her he was going to take a bath, which was part of his nightly routine.
About 30 minutes later, she heard Collette stirring and went to check on her, and from there Camryn went to check on Landon, but the bath was empty.
“I checked everywhere he could be and then I went into the garage and when I opened the garage I saw him,” she tearfully said. “He had hung himself and he didn’t look alive. He was very pale and I was in so much shock and it took me a second to realize it was actually happening. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife and I went back and cut him down.”
She called 911 and checked for a pulse, but he didn’t have one. The EMTs, however, were able to get a pulse, and they took Landon to a hospital. He spent several days in a coma before doctors declared him brain-dead.
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August 13th 2020 was Landon’s last day being the best dad and husband he could be. After spending the following 6 days in a coma he passed on and donated several organs to people in need all over the country. He died saving the lives of others. That’s the type of person he was. Compassionate, loving, thoughtful, kind, and gentle. He was an amazing husband and the best father those girls could of ever asked for. It saddens me deeply that they will never get to truly know him. He was so young and had so much more life to live. This isn’t how things were supposed to go. He was meant to make it to his next birthday. He was meant to walk his daughters down the isle. He was meant to die old with me. Words can not come close to describe the pain I feel. All I can do now is make sure our girls know how much he loved us. He’s looking down on us from heaven and his light will shine through the clouds when we look up at him. May he rest peacefully.
Camryn said she was informed he was an organ donor and tearfully shared, "He always put others above himself. Even in death, he was caring about people."
She felt his spirit while at the hospital, saying, “all throughout his stay at the hospital there were little signs of him,” noting, “We got married on the 22nd of June and he was in room 22, and they announced him brain dead at 2:22. So that number kept popping up.”
Camryn said “there was no note, no explanation.” She continued, "I know Landon, and I know he was not thinking rationally. He's a very impulsive person. He always has been and he does things without thinking and I think he felt guilty about how everything has gone for the past year and I think he just felt like a burden and like we'd be better off without him, which is so far from the truth and I wish he would have known that. I am heartbroken. Collette is confused. There is no way that we're better off without him."
She later added, "If he knew everything that would follow after he did what he did, he wouldn't have. That's why I am here to tell his story because there are so many people out there who need to hear about what comes after."
If you, or someone you know needs help call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).