Singer Gwen Stefani opened up to Harper’s Bazaar about her painful split from Gavin Rossdale, and how boyfriend Blake Shelton gave her hope.
The demise of the marriage, rumored to be over Gavin’s affair with nanny Mindy Man, “was the beginning of hell,” said Stefani. “Like six, seven, eight months of torture, trying to figure out this big secret."
Pouring her heart out, Gwen revealed, “My dreams were shattered,” adding, "All I wanted my whole life was to have babies, be married, like what my parents have."
Sharing custody of their three children, Kingston, 10, Zuma, 7, and Apollo, 2, has been the hardest part. "It was so insane because not only did my family break up, but then my kids are taken away like half the time, so that was really like, 'What?! What did I do?'"
The 46-year-old rocker said she went through a mourning period. "Of course you go through the 'Why me?' and feel sorry for yourself," she said. "But then I was like, 'No, this happened to me already and I made something good out of it,' and that was 'Tragic Kingdom.'"
While she has done the same with her latest album, “This Is What the Truth Feels Like,” she is keeping some information private.
"It's because I have children," she insisted. "As a famous person, you start to think, 'I can't say all that because I'll embarrass them or hurt them in some way.' And especially now because they can see everything and hear everything. But I've done nothing I'm shamed of… Well, we all have a few things we're ashamed of."
Stefani admitted that things are definitely looking up, and that has a lot to do with her boyfriend and fellow “The Voice” coach Blake.
"It was like being handed this gift of a friend who was going through the exact same thing at the exact same time," she said of learning about Blake’s split from Miranda Lambert. "And then everything flipped. It went from horrible to, like, hopeful and, like, 'Wow, God, you just don't know what's gonna happen next.'"
Pick up the latest issue of Harper's Bazaar on newsstands July 19.