Jennifer Lopez on 2004 Split with Ben Affleck: ‘I Felt Like I Was Going to Die’

Jennifer Lopez is opening up about her painful 2004 split with Ben Affleck after calling off their wedding.

She got candid with Zane Lowe of Apple Music 1 about her first go-round with Ben, which inspired her album “This Is Me… Then.”

J.Lo told Lowe, “Twenty years ago, I fell in love with the love of my life. I was working on an album and it was called ‘This Is Me… Then.’ It was all about capturing that moment in time. Now, the most amazing, incredible, unbelievable thing has happened. The reason we’re here is because I want to capture this moment in time because it is even better than the first time.”

Recalling the heartbreak she dealt with when they first split, Jennifer admitted, “Dude, I wouldn’t even perform these records. It was so painful after we broke up. Once we called off that wedding 20 years ago, it was the biggest heartbreak of my life. I honestly felt like I was going to die. It sent me on a spiral for the next 18 years where I just couldn’t get it right.”

Lopez noted that Affleck noticed that she never performed the songs from the album. She said, “He loves that album. He loves that music. He knows all of the words. You know what I mean? It’s crazy… It’s funny because when me and Ben got back together, he was like, ‘You never performed the songs. You never did. I’m glad…’ I was like, ‘You’re right. It was painful.’ It was a part of me then that I had to put away to move on and survive. It was a survival tactic, for sure.”

The couple reconciled in 2021 and got married earlier this year. She shared of their rekindled romance, “It has the most would-never-happen-in-Hollywood ending. ‘That would never happen, we’re not going to write that because nobody would believe it’ ending.”

“I think now that we’re older, we realize it’s much more clear, because even [then] when we felt that way, now we know,” Jennifer pointed out. “Now, we know. And there [are] no questions and there is no kind of like, ‘Well, let’s see how this goes.’ Like, ‘Nope, it’s me and you. That’s it. All the way, till the end. That’s it. It’s going to be us.'”

Now, 20 years later, Jen is singing about the same man in her “This Is Me… Now” album, set for release next year.

A press release promised the 2023 album is, “Heralding a new era of music for Jennifer Lopez," going on to state that, "‘This Is Me…Now’ chronicles the emotional, spiritual and psychological journey that she has taken over the past two decades. An emotionally raw and honest project, unlike any she has produced before, she writes and sings about her life and experiences that will resonate with us all. In addition, these autobiographical stories informed by the album will result in other very personal projects that will be released next year… more to come on that.”

Lopez herself released a 13-song tracklisting:

(1) "This Is Me... Now"

(2) "To Be Yours"

(3) "Mad in Love"

(4) "Can't Get Enough"

(5) "Rebound"

(6) "not.going.anywhere."

(7) "Dear Ben pt. II"

(8) "Hummingbird"

(9) "Hearts and Flowers"

(10) "Broken Like Me"

(11) "This Time Around"

(12) "Midnight Trip to Vegas"