New Mom Kristen Wiig on Infertility ‘Heartache’ and Choice to Use a Surrogate

Kristen Wiig is opening up about her fertility struggles in a candid new interview with InStyle.

The comedian and her fiancé Avi Rothman welcomed twins via surrogate in January, but the road to parenthood was difficult.

Kristen explained, “We've been together for about five years, and three of them were spent in an IVF haze. Emotionally, spiritually, and medically, it was probably the most difficult time in my life. I wasn't myself. There are so many emotions that go with it — you're always waiting by the phone and getting test results, and it was just bad news after bad news. Occasionally there would be a good month, but then it was just more bad news. There was a lot of stress and heartache.”

She added, “It got to the point where I just kind of stopped talking about it entirely, because I would get sad whenever someone asked. It was just part of my life. I gave myself shots in airplane bathrooms and at restaurants — and those shots are no joke.”

For Wiig it was hard not to personalize the negative results. The “Saturday Night Live” alum said, “You go through so much self-deprecation, and you feel like your partner may be seeing you in a different way and all this other stuff we make up in our heads. But when I did talk about it, every time I said that I was going through IVF, I would meet someone who was either going through it, about to go through it, or had a friend who just did it. It's like this underground community that's talked about but not talked about.”

At first, she was not open to the idea of a surrogate. “I remember when our doctor mentioned going other routes, and I was just like, 'Nope. Don't ever bring that up again. I'm getting pregnant. I'm doing this.' I finally realized that I just needed help. And, thank God, we found the most amazing surrogate.”

It was still “bittersweet” for the star. “I was over the moon feeling them kick for the first time, but then I would get in my head and ask myself all these questions, like, 'Why couldn't I do this?' At the same time I would tell myself it didn't matter. She was giving us the greatest gift, and I just wanted them to get here!”

Now, she wouldn't have it any other way and believes everything worked out the way it was meant to. “I became really close with our surrogate, and it was her first time doing it so we kind of went through everything together. When the children were born, I wanted to make sure she was okay and she wanted to make sure I was okay. It was a lot of navigating through emotions and respecting that she had a connection with them and trying to be really honest about how I was feeling. Ultimately, I realized that I'm very fortunate. I'm grateful. I'm a different person now.”

Now, she's sheltering at home in L.A. with Avi and her little ones. “We've sort of been quarantining since January because of the babies. We're nesting, and we're tired. Having two 9-month-olds is a lot! But they're growing, and I can't wait to see them every morning. It's not all just lying around and smiling at babies, though. It's overwhelming to think about everyone else who's struggling, and it's hard to be good knowing that.”