Allison Holker Reveals Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss’ Ayahuasca Journey a ‘Big Turning Point’

Allison Holker is opening up about “a big turning point” for her late husband Stephen “tWitch” Boss, who took his own life in December 2022.

Holker appeared on “The Jamie Kern Lima Show” to promote her new memoir “This Far: My Story of Love, Loss and Embracing the Light.”

Referencing the book, Kern notes, “You say Stephen embarked on an ayahuasca journey, which is a plant medicine journey. And you say that he wasn’t the same afterwards… that he was no longer joyful or generous. That he seemed like he woke up on the wrong side of the bed. You say that the experience can have the opposite intended effect on some people.”

Holker agreed, saying, “I think it was a very big turning point for him. I feel like his heart was never really in the same place when he came back. He still could find joy… but there was something missing in his eyes. It just kind of feels like he opened something up to himself that he never really healed, and never fully escaped.” 

Allison also talked about a text she received from Stephen the night before he died, that she will “always be confused about.”

She said Boss sent her a tree emoji, which she took as meaning he was at the dispensary, but when he came home he seemed very “triggered” and she could “tell something was wrong.”

The star explained, “The reason that night it felt different was because the next day when he decided to take his life he had been at the Oak Tree Inn and there was a tree [there] that looked just like the emoji, and the dispensary is right across the street. And I’ve always wondered to myself, was he at the hotel already? Is that why he came home so triggered? Had he attempted and then got scared and then was too shameful to tell me. And I’ll never know.”

Holker also shared that Boss visited her after his passing. 

Allison, who hadn’t slept for days, was trying to help her daughter Zaia, who was 3 at the time, lay down for a nap, but the little girl was crying hysterically.

“I laid in bed with her and we both just held each other and all of a sudden the room started shaking,” Holker said. “I closed my eyes, but I wasn’t asleep yet… there was almost like the static you see behind your eyes… and I saw three faces… and at the very end I held onto one of the faces and it said, ‘I’m so sorry, and I love you so much. I’m sorry.’ And Stephen’s face faded away. And then we both took a nap. It was the first time I had slept and I think one of the first time’s she had slept… I woke up and felt a lot more settled… that he was watching over us.”

The dancer added, “There have been moments of Stephen visiting both Weslie and I multiple times,” she said of her 16-year-old daughter.

“He still visits us and still talks with us,” Allison continued. “There have been times though it has been really beautiful and then there are times that have been a little scary. But I know we feel him and when we need him we go talk to him and then there have unfortunately been times when we’re like please give us some space.”

She went on, “I know that Stephen always loved us and always wanted to protect us and… in his heart of hearts he thought he made the right choice.”

Allison said she will “never fully understand” Boss’ choice, but she said she has forgiven him. Allison, who also shared son Maddox, 8, with Stephen, is struggling to forgive him for her children.

Holker said their children are “hurt” by their father’s decision, and are in therapy to work through their “triggers.” She said, “There is a lot to unpack for them that they will have to deal with the rest of their lives.”