The Mad Hatter: "There is a place. Like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery, and danger! Some say to survive it: You need to be as mad as a hatter." [picks up his hat] "Which, luckily, I am."

John Dillinger: "I was raised on a farm in Moooresville, Indiana. My mama ran out on us when I was three, my daddy beat the hell out of me cause he didn't know no better way to raise me. I like baseball, movies, good clothes, fast cars, whiskey, and you... what else you need to know?"

Willy Wonka: "Everything in this room is eatable. Even I'm eatable, but that is called canibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies."

Raoul Duke: "Hallucinations are bad enough. But after a while you learn to cope with things like seeing your dead grandmother crawling up your leg with a knife in her teeth. Most acid fanciers can handle this sort of thing. But nobody can handle that other trip--the possibility that any freak with $1.98 can walk into Circus-Circus and suddenly appear in the sky over downtown Las Vegas twelve times the size of God, howling anything that comes into his head. No, this is not a good town for psychedelic drugs. Reality itself is too twisted."

Captain Jack Sparrow: "A dishonest man can always be trusted to be dishonest. It's the honest ones you can't trust."

Captain Jack Sparrow: "Did everyone see that? Because I will NOT be doing it again."

Rango (Johnny Depp): "Reptiles gotta stick together, brother."Buford (Blake Clark): "I'm an amphibian."Rango: "Ain't no shame in that."

Sam (Johnny Depp): "How sick is she?"Benny (Aidan Quinn): "She's plenty sick. Now listen to me, I've been doin' some thinkin'..."Sam: "Because, you know, it seems to me that, I mean, except for being a little mentally ill, she's pretty normal."

Frank Taylor (Johnny Depp): "You're ravenous."Elise (Angelina Jolie): "Do you mean 'ravishing'?"Frank Taylor: "I do."

Inspector Frederick Abberline (Johnny Depp): "Why?"Sir Charles Warren (Ian Richardson): "Are you questioning my decision?"Inspector Frederick Abberline: "No, sir, I just simply want to know why."

Ichabod Crane (Johnny Depp): "It was a headless horseman."Baltus Van Tassel (Michael Gambon): "You must not excite yourself."Ichabod Crane: "But it was a headless horseman."Baltus Van Tassel: "Of course it was. That's why you're here."Ichabod Crane: "No, you must believe me. It was a horseman, a dead one. Headless."Baltus Van Tassel: "I know, I know."Ichabod Crane: "You don't know because you were not there. It's all true."Baltus Van Tassel: "Of course it is. I told you. Everyone told you."Ichabod Crane: "I... saw him."[faints]

Captain Jack Sparrow: "Me, I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly it's the honest ones you have to watch out for, you never can predict if they're going to do something incredibly stupid."

FBI Technician: "What's forget about it?"Donnie Brasco (Johnny Depp): "Forget about it is like if you agree with someone, you know, like Raquel Welch is one great piece of ass, forget about it. But then, if you disagree, like A Lincoln is better than a Cadillac? Forget about it! you know? But then, it's also like if something's the greatest thing in the world, like mingia those peppers, forget about it. But it's also like saying, 'Go to hell!' too. Like, you know, like 'Hey Paulie, you got a one inch pecker?' and Paulie says, 'Forget about it!' Sometimes it just means forget about it."

Agent Sands (Johnny Depp): "Are you a Mexi-CAN or a Mexi-CAN'T?"Cucuy (Danny Trejo): "I'm a Mexi-CAN."Agent Sands: "Good. Then do as I say."

Gilbert (Johnny Depp): [to Becky] "I don't know what to say."Arnie (Leonardo DiCaprio): "Say 'thank you,' Gilbert. 'Thank you.'Gilbert: [whispering] "Thank you."