"Life is just getting too weird too fast."

Sookie Stackhouse: "Can you turn into a bat?"
Bill Compton: "No. There are those who can change form, but I'm not one of them."Sookie Stackhouse: "Can you levitate?"
Bill Compton: "No."
Sookie Stackhouse: "Turn invisible?"
Bill Compton: "Sorry."
Sookie Stackhouse: "Well Bill, you don't seem like a very good vampire. What can you do?"
Bill Compton: "I can bring you back to life."

Sookie Stackhouse: "He's your maker, isn't he?"
Eric Northman: "Don't use words you don't understand."
Sookie Stackhouse: "You have a lot of love for him."
Eric Northman: "Don't use words I don't understand."

"We just need to get in, get Tara, and get the hell out."

"If I want Sookie, I can simply take her."

"I don't want to look at your face, or any of your faces, for that matter. Go crawl back into your holes, you creepy, cold freaks."

"Vampires are always in some kind of trouble. I prefer to be in it with you."

Bill Compton: "You saw them in the lair tonight. Despicable, vicious, petty creatures."
Sookie Stackhouse: "You're different. You're not like them. No, you're not. You have a heart, whether it beats or not. There wasn't one vampire there who could say the same."

Lettie Mae Thornton: [rushing to the bathroom] "What are you doing to her?"
Lafayette Reynolds: [carrying Tara] "Savin' her life! You're to busy praisin' Jesus to realize your daughter's tryin' to move in with him permanently!"

[to Tara] "Well, I hate to break it to you but you're not even the most f**ked up person in this house much less this town."

Eric Northman: "When Ginger is finished, glamour her for me."
Pam: "Are you sure? She's been glamoured one too many times already. Who's knows how much of her is left."Eric Northman: "It's either that or turn her. You want her?"
Pam: "Please! I'm not that desperate. Glamour it is."
Eric Northman: "Excellent."

Sookie Stackhouse: "Well, since you're here... [opens her door, but Bill hesitates] What's wrong?"Bill Compton: "You have to invite me in. Otherwise, it's physically impossible for me to enter a mortal's home."Sookie Stackhouse: "Seriously? Well, come on, try."
Bill Compton: "I-I can't. I can't even try."
Sookie Stackhouse: "That is so weird! Oh Bill, won't you please come in?"
Bill Compton: "Thank you."
Sookie Stackhouse: "So, if I were to withdraw my invitation, would you have to leave? [Bill nods, embarrassed] I'll have to remember that."

Jason Stackhouse: "I need you to forgive me."
Bill Compton: [confused] "What?"
Jason Stackhouse: "You love my sister and there ain't no reason why you shouldn't be able to. All this time, I let my stupid ignorance stand in the way."
Bill Compton: "Thank you. But I am also in your debt for helpin' rescue Sookie."
Jason Stackhouse: "After all I did to f**k everything up, it's the least I could do. I-I'm just sorry it took so long to wake up to it."
Bill Compton: "Well you did, just in time."

"What gives you the right to say 'no' to the femoral blood of a good human woman? You know what your problem is, William? You're a snob. I hate snobs. I also hate tiny, tiny souls... or penises."

Bill Compton: "You able to pick anything up?"
Sookie Stackhouse: "[looking around] All anyone's thinkin' about here is sex, sex, sex!"
Bill Compton: "One needn't be telepathic to pick up on that."

Eric Northman: "You are aware there's a gaping hole in your leg? You're damaged goods."
Lafayette Reynolds: "Not if you turn me. I'd be good as ever. Look I'm already a person of poor moral character. So, I hit the ground running and I damn near glamor people already. Gimme what ya'll got. Not only will I be a badass vampire, but I'd be your badass vampire."

Bill Compton: "Sookie, don't ever sneak up on a vampire. What are you doing here?"
Sookie Stackhouse: "All right, here's the deal. And this is a little embarrassin'. I've never been with a man intimately, for all the reasons I told you about. But, I feel things when I'm with you that make me think and I know this could be a huge mistake, one I will regret forever, but it feels like you're the one that I'm supposed to, you know, do it with. And I'm really nervous about that. And frankly I'm scared to death of you. So can we just get it out of the way already so I can relax and get a good night's sleep? [he draws close to kiss her] J-just don't bite me, Okay?"

Lorena: "I don't know how it got this way. I can't help that I still love you. You know I do. But now it has become a constant humiliation."Bill Compton: "The pain you suffer you have inflicted upon yourself."
Lorena: "When will we see each other again?"
Bill Compton: "Never."
Lorena: "We're immortal. Our paths are bound to cross eventually."

Sookie Stackhouse: "Bill, is this your maker?"
Bill Compton: "She released me years ago. She no longer has any hold over me."
Lorena: "Oh. I wouldn't say that. We had two marvelous nights in your hotel room."Sookie Stackhouse: "What?"
Lorena: "Did you know your boyfriend hit me over the head with a fifty-two inch plasma screen television earlier tonight? Everyone always they're so thin and light. But let me tell you when wielded properly, it's quite a weapon."

"I can kill anybody I want and there's an awful lot of people I'd like to kill."

Eric Northman: [as Bill catches his arm] "I don't like being touched."
Bill Compton: [disgusted] "Oh believe me, I do not like touching you. Your contact with Sookie will cease from this moment on."
Eric Northman: "Oh ,that's hardly your decision."
Bill Compton: "Callin' my maker 'cause you couldn't win Sookie for yourself is feeble and desperate, even for you."Eric Northman: "Are you picking a fight? I'd like to see you try."Bill Compton: "She will never be yours and there's nothing you can do. In this you are powerless. Accept it."

Andy Bellefleur: "Psycho sonuvabitch, goin' after a old lady that way, just about the sickest thing I ever seen."
Sheriff Bud Dearborne: "Nah. I've seen worse. There was a murder about 6 years ago, lady snapped, blew her husband's head off while he was watching the game. Big chunks of brain all over the TV."
Andy Bellefleur: "Why'd she do it?"
Sheriff Bud Dearborne: "I guess she wanted to watch something else. How they hell would I know, Andy? People don't murder 'cuz they're right in the head!"

Eric Northman: "Hail the conquering hero."
Jason Stackhouse: "Oh no. I'm no hero."
Eric Northman: "Well you are in this town. But in my area, we know you well as a buyer and user of vampire blood."
Jason Stackhouse: "Yeah, listen. I don't do that any more."
Eric Northman: "All things considered, however, we'll call it even. You won't be doing it again."
Jason Stackhouse: "Yes... no, no!"
Eric Northman: "Good boy. Run along."

Eric Northman: "So what brings you to Fangtasia this balmy summer night?"
Sookie Stackhouse: "Bill's been kidnapped and I think you did it."Eric Northman: "I didn't. Any other theories?"
Sookie Stackhouse: "I'm still on this one. Thank you very much."

"Do not turn off the camera! You've seen how quickly I can kill. Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Russell Edgington and I have been a vampire for nearly three-thousand years. Now, the American Vampire League wishes to perpetuate the idea that we are just like you. I suppose in a few small ways we are. We're narcissists. We care only about getting what we want no matter what the cost just like you. Global warming, perpetual war, toxic waste, child labor, torture, genocide, That's a small price to pay for your SUVs and your flat screen TVs, your blood diamonds, your designer jeans, your absurd garish McMansions! Futile symbols of pertinence to quell your quivering, spineless souls. But no, in the end we are nothing like you. We are immortal. Because we drink the true blood. Blood that is living, organic and human. And that is the truce the AVL wishes to conceal from you because let's face it eating people is a tough sale these days so they put on their friendly faces to pass their beloved VRA but make no mistake. Mine is the true face of vampire! Why would we seek equal rights? You are not our equals. We will eat you after we eat your children. Now time for the weather. Tiffany?"

Sookie Stackhouse: "Oh my god. You're so warm."
Alcide Herveaux: "Sorry."
Sookie Stackhouse: "It's okay. I'm just not used to it."
Alcide Herveaux: "It's a Were thing. We run hot."
Sookie Stackhouse: "I thought you were comin' down with the flu."
Alcide Herveaux: "...You probably want some privacy."
Sookie Stackhouse: "That's the last think I want."

Sookie Stackhouse: "It felt like... felt like every single care or worry or saddness I ever had was just flowin' out of me into him. And, yeah it hurt at first. But then when I relaxed, didn't hurt at all."
Lafayette Reynolds: "I was always too scared to let 'em bite me. I don't know, Sook, I just think that when there's blood involved, a line been crossed."
Sookie Stackhouse: "Oh, I definitely crossed a line but glad I did."
Lafayette Reynolds: "Well you go ahead on, hooker with your badass. Good for you. It ain't possible to live unless you crossin' somebody's line."

Lafayette Reynolds: "Wait a minute, you slept with Sam?"
Tara Thornton: "You know what? He barks in his sleep."
Lafayette Reynolds: "Oh damn, white folk just all f**ked up."
Tara Thornton: "Yeah, that's what I said."

Pam: "I thought prostitutes were good at keeping secrets."
Lafayette Reynolds: "Oh, don't get it twisted honeycone. I'm a survivor first, capitalist second and a whole bunch of shit after that. But a hooker dead last! So if I've got even a Jew at an Al Qaida pep rally's shot at getting my black ass up out of this motherfucker I'm taking it!"

Lafayette Reynolds: "Hey, hooker. How you doin'? What are you doin' here?"
Tara Thornton: "I work here."
Lafayette Reynolds: "Oh no, the hell you don't."
Tara Thornton: "Oh yes the hell I do, too, you ugly bitch! You need to make peace with that."
Lafayette Reynolds: "Shit. Sam must've lost his damned mind 'cause you should not be allowed to work in no situation where you actually gotta interact with people."

[whining to Bill] "You won't let me do anything and I'm so hungry! You are the worst maker ever!"

Sam Merlotte: [transforming] "I'm not the killer, I swear. I'm a shapeshifter."
Sookie Stackhouse: "Shut the f**k up."
Sam Merlotte: "I need a live animal in order to shift. You know, as a model. Kinda like an imprint."

"I spent my whole life either running away from people or pinning my hopes on somebody I can't have. I'm done with that."

Sookie Stackhouse: "I do not have electrical powers. I am a human being!"
Maryann Forrester: "You keep saying that, but if you were human... [vibrating and stopping] I would've taken you over by now. Come on, it'll be our little secret. What are you?"
Sookie Stackhouse: "I'm a waitress. What the f**k are you?"

Alcide Herveaux: "No matter how well you think you know somebody, they can just turn around and kick you right in the nutsack."
Sookie Stackhouse: "I don't have a nutsack."