Terry Holtz (Mark Wahlberg): "I don't like you... If I were a lion and you were a tuna, I'd swim out into the ocean and EAT YOU!"Allen Gamble (Ferrell): "A lion, really? Lions don't like to swim! If you put it near a river, or some kind of fresh water source, that make sense. But the ocean? Swimming in 20 foot waves — I'm assuming it's off the coast of South Africa — to attack a 800-pound tuna with 20 or so of my friends with me? You'll lose that battle, my friend. You'll lose that battle 9 out of 10 times. [pauses] Did that turn out how you hoped? Nope."

"Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time." — Frank

"I passed through the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gum drops, and then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel." — Buddy

Ron Burgundy: "Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which, of course, in German means a whale's vagina."Veronica Corningstone (Christina Applegate): "No, there's no way that's correct."Ron: "I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago."Veronica: Doesn't it mean Saint Diego?Ron: No. No.Veronica: No, that's-that's what it means. Really.Ron: Agree to disagree.

Phil Weston (Ferrell): "You're my assistant. You're supposed to back me up and go get me juiceboxes whenever I want. Now go get me a juicebox!"Mike Ditka: "DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO?"Phil Weston: "I'm talkin' to the juicebox guy!"Mike Ditka: "You're crazy!"Phil Weston: "I'm not crazy, I'm just thirsty!"Mike Ditka: "OH, YOU GO TO HELL!"Phil Weston: "No, you go to hell, and while you're there, why don't you grab me a juicebox!"

[to his dog Baxer] "What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing. How 'bout we get you in your pj's and we hit the hay." — Ron Burgundy

"Well let me just quote the late-great Colonel Sanders, who said...'I'm too drunk to taste this chicken.'" — Ricky Bobby

"Matt Lauer can suck it!" — Dr. Rick Marshall

"I'm a sex addict. It's my cross to bear. It's a real disease with doctors and medicine and everything!" — Chazz Michael Michaels

"Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin' there in your ghost manger, just lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin' me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers." — Ricky Bobby

"Everybody panic! Oh my God, there's a bear loose in the coliseum! There will be no refunds! Your refund will be escaping this deathtrap with your life! If you have a small child, use it as a shield! They love the tender meat! Cover your sodas! Dewie loves sugar!" — Jackie Moon

"I'm so scared right now. I'm just gonna to do what's sensible, I'm gonna file for unemployment. Then I'm gonna try to get a job at Enterprise Rent-A-Car, because they got an excellent corporate structure and they... they give you the tools to be your own boss." — Brennan Huff

[television commercial] "Hey. I'm Ricky Bobby. When you're workin' on your mysterious lady parts and stuff, you should have the right tools too. That's why you should use... MayPax. The official tampon of NASCAR."

"Captain Kirk's nipples!" — Dr. Rick Marshall

"HEY MOM! CAN WE GET SOME MEATLOAF? What is she doing back there? I never know what she's doing." — Chazz Reinhold