It's been nearly three years since the death of actor Heath Ledger -- and Michelle Williams has opened up for the first time about her love of three years and the father of her daughter, Matilda, 5.

"I've found meaning around the circumstance, but the actual event itself still doesn't... I can't find a meaning for it," she told "Nightline" in an interview that aired Wednesday. "I can find meanings in things and people and relationships that have sprung up, and friendships that have strengthened. I can find a lot of meaning in that, but not in why."

"I know I got kind of obsessed with that for awhile, the before and after. A lot of things died," the "Blue Valentine" star said while fighting back tears. "There's a line from a book that gave me so much comfort and it said, 'When you've truly lost everything, then at least you can become rich in loss.'"

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