Shannon Beador Admits Shame After DUI & Calls Tamra Judge ‘Cruel’ (Exclusive)

Shannon Beador is dishing on the drama on “The Real Housewives of Orange County” Season 18, which includes the fallout from her DUI crash and arrest.

“Extra’s” Melvin Robert spoke with Shannon about the aftermath of the incident, including that shocking bloodied selfie seen on "RHOC."

When asked if it was difficult for her to watch the show, Shannon answered, “I’ll tell you, the episode that is airing right now, it was a really brutal, brutal night for me. And I’ll be honest — it was the hardest night that I had in my 10 years of filming. I don't want to sound like a victim, so it's like I feel like I’m walking a fine line, but I mean, all it has shown me is that I am a survivor and I’m able to make positive change even in, you know, such a dark place.”

She noted, “It is hard to watch back, because I feel like I’m only moving in a positive direction right now and I still have a long way to go. It’s going to be a lifelong process for me, but to have to take that step backwards and remember how hard it was is tough."

As for all the headlines surrounding the incident, Shannon commented, “I’m trying to set an example for my daughters and to get a DUI… I mean, I was physically injured and broke bones, and to do all of that when I’m 60 years old, I mean, it was just the most humiliating. And I mean, most importantly, I didn’t hurt anybody, and that is what I’m grateful for, because I don’t know how I would have handled that.”

She continued, “It promoted me to look inward and realize changes that I needed to make in my life.”

Shannon also opened up about how "hard" it was telling her kids about the DUI.

Beador shared, “None of them were home because they were all away in college and I explained to them how sorry I was, and I continually was apologizing to them and it got to a point where they finally said, ‘Mom, we see that you’re trying to do things to turn your life around and stop apologizing.' And that’s something, I went to a treatment program for a month and to work through the shame and the guilt. I still do have shame and guilt, but it's a hard thing to not think about. I feel horribly guilty and I'm very ashamed of myself for what I did."

Shannon chose to go to a behavior wellness center, saying there was an alcohol component. She explained, “I was using alcohol to cope because I was miserable, and so I needed to figure out why I was making toxic choices in my life and drinking and consuming more alcohol during certain periods of my life was part of that. But I also wanted to dig deeper and I’m glad that I chose that program.”

She noted, "I continue on with the psychiatrist and the therapist I was working with weekly, so it's been really good for me."

Shannon said of how she has grown, "I'm not using alcohol to cope. I have different coping mechanisms now. I go on walks. I do breathing exercises. I use cold packs. There are all these different processes that I go through to handle certain situations."

She added, "Then I had to look into myself. Everyone has things that have happened in their lifetime, and I just kind of shoved them down and just kept moving forward. And now I'm addressing certain things that have happened throughout my lifetime and how it might have molded me into the person I am now."

She also shared her co-stars’ reactions, saying, “The person that was there for me is Vicki Gunvalson. She actually took me into her home and I stayed and lived with her for a bit.”

This season, Alexis Bellino returned to the show. Shannon reacted to Alexis’ relationship with her ex John Janssen, admitting, “It was difficult… John and I had — as much as they want to say that we hadn’t — we had rekindled our relationship, and about six weeks after he ended it for the second time, he met Alexis, and so I think they were about two months into their relationship when I met them, so it was very new. And so it's just awkward and it’s hurtful too. I was still going through a lot of emotional things, I mean, and I still am now.”

She commented, “I don’t want to be back with John. John and I were not good together. We had a very toxic relationship. But I just don’t think she’s been the kindest person and I just don’t want to have a relationship with her. Why would I? Why would anyone? I think anyone in my position would say the same thing."

Beador doesn’t see herself ever reconciling with Tamra Judge, either. She said, “Tamra has this narrative that she just keeps repeating, saying, ‘Shannon has an issue with alcohol.' And she is correct that I was using alcohol to cope, and I've openly admitted that multiple times. The problem is that there's a new narrative now, and Tamra seems to be stuck in the past. She knows absolutely nothing about what I’ve done and what I’m working on and what I continue to work on.”

"I think if Tamra wasn't talking about me, I don't know really what else she'd be talking about this season," Shannon insisted. "If the fans and the viewers believe what she has to say about me, then I'm sorry that they do, because she's not telling truths about me at all. I know the person that I am and those close to me do, and that's good enough for me."

“She can continue to be unkind and cruel, I’m just not interested anymore,” Shannon emphasized. “We've had this history, 10 years, of up-down, up-down, and I always go back. It’s not healthy for me to enter a toxic friendship, and that shows growth within me to say, ‘I’m going to create a boundary and we’re not going to be friends anymore.’”