“Suicide Squad” actress Cara Delevingne is stripped naked in Esquire UK’s September issue, where she opened up about her past struggles with depression, and on losing her virginity in her teens.
Throughout her childhood, Cara dealt with not knowing the whereabouts of her mom at times. In her teen years, she finally understood the meaning of her mom’s trips away from the home… drug abuse. She said, “I think I properly started dealing with depression when I was about 16, when all the stuff with my family started to make sense and came to the surface. I’m very good at repressing emotion and seeming fine. As a kid I felt like I had to be good and I had to be strong because my mum wasn’t. So, when it got to being a teenager and all the hormones and the pressure and wanting to do well at school — for my parents, not for me — I had a mental breakdown.”
She went into more detail about her depression, saying, “I was suicidal. I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I realised how lucky and privileged I was, but all I wanted to do was die. I felt so guilty because of that and hated myself because of that, and then it’s a cycle. I didn’t want to exist anymore. I wanted for each molecule of my body to disintegrate. I wanted to die.”
Cara eventually relied on antidepressants, but decided to stop taking them at the age of 18. She revealed, “And that week, I lost my virginity, I got into fights, I cried, I laughed. It was the best thing in the world to feel things again. And I get depressed still but I would rather learn to figure it out myself rather be dependant on meds, ever.”
Despite her painful past, Delevingne has been able to find love with girlfriend St. Vincent. She gushed, "This one feels different. When you find a real love you look back on the other loves you’ve had and you’re like, 'Ooh, that was a bit destructive.’"
For more on Cara, grab a copy of Esquire UK.