News May 01, 2016
President Obama's Best One-Liners from the White House Correspondents' Dinner
President Obama knocked 'em dead at Saturday night's White House Correspondents' Dinner — which he dubbed the "nerd prom" — taking hilarious jabs at Donald Trump (who skipped the event), Kendall Jenner, Ted Cruz, and even himself.
Since 1920, 15 presidents have attended at least one of the annual dinners, held by the White House Correspondents' Association. President Obama, widely considered to be the funniest Commander-in-Chief to take the podium, appeared at every one that fell during his administration.
Some of his funniest jabs from last night:
"In my final year, my approval ratings keep going up. The last time I was this high, I was trying to decide on my major."
"Last week, Prince George showed up to our meeting in his bathrobe. That was a slap in the face. A clear breach of protocol."
"Hillary once questioned whether I'd be ready for a 3 a.m. phone call, now I'm awake anyway 'cause I gotta go to the bathroom — I'm up."
"Is he at home eating a Trump steak, tweeting out insults to Angela Merkel?"
"It's not an entirely fair comparison between [Mike Bloomberg] and The Donald. After all, Mike was a big-city mayor, he knows policy in-depth, and he's actually worth the amount of money that he says he is."
"They say Donald lacks the foreign-policy experience to be president. But in fairness, he has spent years meeting with leaders from around the world: Miss Sweden, Miss Argentina, Miss Azerbaijan."
"There's one area where Donald's experience could be invaluable, and that's closing Guantanamo. Because Trump knows a thing or two about running waterfront properties into the ground."
"If this material works well, I'm going to use it at Goldman Sachs next year, earn me some serious Tubmans."
"Hillary trying to appeal to young voters is a little bit like your relative who just signed up for Facebook. 'Dear America: Did you get my poke? Is it appearing on your wall. I'm not sure I'm using this right. Love, Aunt Hillary."
"Next year at this time, someone else will be standing here in this very spot, and it's anyone's guess who she will be."
"We've got the bright, new face of the Democratic Party here tonight — Mr. Bernie Sanders."
"I am hurt, though, Bernie, that you've been distancing yourself a little from me. I mean, that's just not something that you do to your comrade."
"My brilliant and beautiful wife Michelle is here tonight. She looks so happy to be here. It's called practice."
"Kendall Jenner is also here... She seems like a very nice young woman. I'm not exactly sure what she does, but I am told that my Twitter mentions are about to go through the roof."
"Ted had a tough week. He went to Indiana — Hoosier Country — stood on a basketball court, and called the hoop a basketball 'ring.' What else is in his lexicon? Baseball sticks? Football hats? But sure, I'm the foreign one."
"I love Joe Biden — I really do. I want to thank him for his friendship, his counsel, for always giving it to me straight. For not shooting anybody in the face."
"In fact, somebody recently said to me, 'Mr. President, you are so yesterday. Justin Trudeau has completely replaced you. He's so handsome, he's so charming — he's the future.' And I said, 'Justin, just give it a rest.'"
"Some candidates aren't polling high enough to qualify for their own joke tonight."
"'Spotlight'... a movie about investigative journalists with resources and the autonomy to chase down the truth. Best fantasy film since 'Star Wars.'"
Politics in General
"Eight years ago, I said it was time to change the tone of our politics. In hindsight, I clearly should have been more specific."
"You all look great. The end of the republic has never looked better."
Watch the whole speech here:
Be sure to check out “Extra's” coverage from the White House Correspondents' Dinner too!