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Golden Globes: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s Best Jokes Ever

BFF’s Tina Fey and Amy Poehler return this Sunday for a third and final time to host the 2015 Golden Globes, and we’re taking a look at some of their funniest moments from their two previous times as hosts.

Golden Globes: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s Best Jokes Ever
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Amy: “Only at the Golden Globes do the beautiful people of film rub shoulders with the rat-faced people of television.”

Amy: "I haven't been following the controversy surrounding 'Zero Dark Thirty.' But when it comes to torture, I trust the woman who spent three years married to James Cameron."

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Tina to Anne Hathaway: "You gave a stunning performance in ‘Les Misérables.’ I have not seen someone so alone and abandoned like that since you were onstage with James Franco at the Oscars.”

Tina: “‘The Hunger Games’ was one of the biggest films of the year, and also what I call the six weeks it took me to get into this dress.”
Amy: “Ang Lee’s been nominated for Best Director for ‘Life of Pi,’ which is what I’m going to call the six weeks after I take this dress off!”

Amy: “Meryl Streep is not here tonight. She has the flu -- and I hear she’s amazing in it.”

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Tina: “Congratulations, Lena [Dunham]. I’m glad we got you through middle school. Middle school? It’s getting sloppy in here, everybody.”

Tina: “You know what, Taylor Swift? You stay away from Michael J. Fox‘s son…
Amy: “Or go for it!”
Tina: “No. She needs some me time, to learn about herself!”


Amy: “Congratulations to all the wonderful actors nominated tonight, from the amazing Chiwetel Ejiofer, to the stunning Lupita Nyong’o, to American treasure Tam Honks… dammit, I knew I was going to screw that up.” [Camera pans to Tom Hanks]

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Amy: “Matt Damon is here for ‘Behind the Candelabra.’ Matt, on any other night in another room, you would be a big deal. But tonight, and don’t take this the wrong way, you’re basically a garbage person.”

Tina: “‘Gravity’ is nominated for Best Film. It’s the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age.”

Tina: “Matthew McConaughey is here. For his role in ‘Dallas Buyers Club,’ he lost 45 pounds, or what actresses call ‘being in a movie.'”

Amy: “One of the most nominated films this year is ‘12 Years a Slave.’ I loved ‘12 Years a Slave,’ and I can honestly say that after seeing that film, I will never look at slavery the same way again.”
Tina: “Wait… how were you looking at it?”

Amy: “‘Masters of Sex’ is the degree I got from Boston College.”
Tina: “‘The Blacklist’ is who is invited to my room tonight. Talkin’ to you, Somali Pirates. I am the captain now.”

Amy, as “Mr. Golden Globes” aka Tina’s adult child from a previous relationship, to Miss Golden Globes Sosie Bacon: “Your name is Sosie? What are you, the Olympics?”

Tina: “And now, like a supermodel’s vagina, let’s all give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio.”

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Tina: “This was the beautiful mess we hoped it would be.”
Amy: “And I got to make out with Bono!”