Oscars 2013: Host Seth MacFarlane’s Jokes -- The Hit List
Funnyman Seth MacFarlane appeared on the 2013 Oscar stage, ready to entertain -- and occasionally causing some gasps as he took some hilarious swipes.
In his opening line, MacFarlane quipped, "And the quest to make Tommy Lee Jones laugh begins now.”
Here are some highlights:
On Chris Brown and Rihanna: "'Django Chained' is the story of a man fighting to get back his woman, who's been subjected to unthinkable violence. Or as Chris Brown and Rihanna call it, a date movie."
On Mel Gibson: Continuing on Quentin Tarantino's slavery-era flick, which famously makes liberal use of the "N" word, MacFarlane said, "I'm told the screenplay is loosely based off of Mel Gibson's voicemails."
On Jodie Foster: "As I said, tonight's ceremony is being watched by a close to a billion people worldwide, which is why Jodie Foster will be up here in a bit to ask for her privacy."
On Ben Affleck: "First time I saw him with all that dark facial hair I thought, 'My God, the Kardashians have finally made the jump to film.'"
On Jean Dujardin: “He won Best Actor for 'The Artist,' and now, he's… everywhere."
On Daniel Day-Lewis: "You were 100 percent in character as Lincoln, 24/7. … So if you saw a cell phone, would you have to be like, 'Oh my God, what's that?' If you bumped into Don Cheadle on the studio lot, did you try to free him?"
On Jennifer Lawrence, who took some flak for a joke she made when accepting her Best Actress Golden Globe, MacFarlane joked, "[Jennifer] told me whether she wins or loses, she told me it's just an honor that Meryl Streep wasn't nominated."