@MindyKaling"'Why did my lane stop?' said everyone, all day, every day, in Los Angeles."
@JimmyFallon"Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber adopted a dog. Not to be outdone, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie adopted Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber. "
Weird Al Yankovic
@NicoleRichie"J Lo's new song just came on the radio, and I immediately thought of the Fiat. . . So I guess that commercial really worked."
When a fan got L.A. Clippers power forward Blake Griffin mixed up with New Jersey Nets star Kris Humphries, Griffin straightened out the confusion with this tweet.
@KrisJenner"OMG! President Obama talked about us on Leno last night!"
@BusyPhilipps25"I guess the best part about rear-ending someone today was that the driver said,'Wow. You don't look that old.' when I showed him my D.L."
@ConanOBrien"Siri, write a funny tweet for me, and don't be a b*tch about it."
James Van Der Beek
@VanderJames"Just when we thought we couldn't feel any more blessed, it seems the universe has plans to give our daughter a sibling... #humbled"
@ZacharyLevi"A lovely Chuck fan just showed up on my front door step. Always appreciate the love and support, but need some good personal space too. ;)"
@JoshGroban"I love NYC... having a solitary drink at the hotel, ran into the über talented and über nice John Krasinski. He may join Twitter. Maybe."
@LindsayLohan"With all of the stress and pressure from yesterday and today, I've never been so happy to go to therapy! Also, I'm sorry for the confusion that I may of caused to those at the Coroner's office. Won't happen again, now I know where to go! Thank you for your help."
@LadyGaga"Love is like a brick. You can build a house, or you can sink a dead body."
Kim Kardashian's reaction to Casey Anthony being found not guilty was a bit ironic, since her father, attorney Robert Kardashian, was part of the defense team that worked a similar miracle to get OJ Simpson acquitted of murder charges in 1995.
@CharlieSheen"Just got invited to do the Nancy Grace show... I'd rather go on a long road trip with Chuck Lorre in a '75 Pacer...."
Singer Chris Brown took to Twitter after flipping out on "GMA" earlier this year, after Robin Roberts asked him about his 2009 domestic violence incident involving Rihanna.@ChrisBrown"Don't say s*** to anybody and everyone feels its cool to attack me. Grown adults! That s*** happened three years ago. People please grow up. I've never dealt with so much negativity in my life! It's to the point now that it's just ridiculous!"
@GeorgeTakei"I broke that Asian driver stereotype by being the best helmsman in the galaxy."
@JimmyKimmel"I care about the environment, I just don't feel like the environment cares about me."
While everyone can agree that drinking and driving is irresponsible and unsafe, it was too soon for film critic Roger Ebert to post his tweet about "Jackass" star Ryan Dunn-after he was killed in a car accident while under the influence.
Steve Martin responds to Osama bin Laden's death.
Talk show host Piers Morgan weighs in on the London riots.@PiersMorgan"Millions of people are suffering in this financial crisis, but not looting/rioting/pillaging - no sympathy for these yobs whatsoever."
@MissKellyO"only my dad would text me at 11pm to go get him some 'strong coffee beans' where the hell do i get strong coffee beans at 11pm! & why????"
@AlecBaldwin"Flight attendant on American reamed me out 4 playing WORDS W FRIENDS while we sat at the gate, not moving#nowonderamericaairisbankrupt."
Was Demi Moore hinting to Ashton about feeling underappreciated?@MrsKutcher"Why do we have only 1 day for giving thanks? Is that why so many people feel unappreciated? Make this 1 of 365 days of Thanksgiving!"
Ashton Kutcher, who has over 8 million Twitter followers, should have followed the news more carefully when he tweeted about former Penn State coach Joe Paterno, who is involved in a sex abuse scandal.@aplusk"How do you fire Jo Pa? I find it in poor taste."After he realized his blunder, Kutcher tweeted:"Heard Joe was fired, fully recant previous tweet! Didn't have full story."The "Two and a Half Men" actor, who was apologetic over the tweet, poked fun of himself and announced his account would be handled by the management firm, Katalyst Media.