"There's a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins."
"C'mon bro, I won best picture at 20. I wasn't even trying. I wasn't even warm."
"If you're a part of my family, I will love you violently."
"I wish [Chuck Lorrie] nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon."
"You can't process me with a normal brain."
"It's just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee, because I don't have time for these clowns."
"Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words... imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists."
"I'm an F-18, bro."
"Can't is the cancer of happening."
"I don't live in the middle anymore, that's where you get slaughtered, that's where you get embarrassed in front of the prom queen and... it's just not an option."
"I closed my eyes and in a nanosecond, I cured myself. The only thing I'm addicted to is winning. This bootleg cult, arrogantly referred to as Alcoholics Anonymous, reports a 5 percent success rate. My success rate is 100 percent."
"I'm sorry man, I got magic and I've got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes naps."
"For now, I'm just going to hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly privately around the world. It might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view."
"You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That's the whole movie. That's life."
"Look what I'm dealing with, man, I'm dealing with fools and trolls."
"I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars."
"Bring me Dr. Clown shoes."
"If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you'd be like, 'Dude! Can't handle it, unplug this bastard!' It fires in a way that's maybe not from, uh... this terrestrial realm."
"I am battle-tested bayonets, bro."
"I'm so tired of pretending my life isn't perfect and bitching and just winning every second and I'm not perfect and bitchin'."
"The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them look like droopy-eyed, armless children."
"I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path because it was written for normal people. People who aren't special. People who don't have tiger blood and Adonis DNA."
"I am on a drug, it's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."
"I was banging seven-gram rocks, because that's how I roll.I have one speed, I have one gear: Go."