Melanie "Mel B" Brown reveals in her new memoir "Brutally Honest" that she tried to kill herself in December 2014 by swallowing 200 aspirin.
The Sun reports that Brown writes in the book that she felt desperate due to the situation with her ex, Stephen Belafonte, recalling, "I felt ugly and detested by the very man who once promised to love and protect me, my husband and manager Stephen. A man who after ten years of marriage now had a library of sex tapes that could — as we both well knew — ruin my career and destroy my family."
It was her second attempt, following one made at age 14.
After penning "frantic, disjointed notes" for her oldest daughter, Phoenix, who she calls her "soulmate," Brown writes that she downed 200 pills in an effort to end it all. "Here I am, 39 years of age, staring in a mirror in the en-suite bathroom of my rented house in Kensington, London, holding an open bottle of aspirin from the stash I’ve stockpiled over the years, putting one pill after another into my mouth," she writes. "As each pill goes into my mouth, I ask myself: 'Are you sure?' And I take another one. Ten, 20, 50, 100. 'Are you sure?'"
Brown realized she didn't want to die after ingesting the aspirin, throwing herself at a jammed door to try to get herself to a hospital. That action left her visibly bruised on the "X Factor" final, but the most painful part was coming to in a hospital, surrounded by doctors and nurses, and facing her "furious" daughter, Phoenix, who demanded, "Mom. What the hell? Why, Mum? Why? Why?"
"It was the saddest moment of my life," the once and future Spice Girl confirms.
Fortunately, she had the support of her loved ones, including "X Factor" co-star Simon Cowell — she even called him from the hospital and praises him in her book for being a rock on tthe phone.
Brown and Belafonte finalized their divorce in December of last year, and all of the formal abuse allegations she made against him were dropped, according to TMZ.
"Brutally Honest," Mel's book with Louise Gannon, is set for release November 27.